Gunmax, I apologize for making this the first message I am sending you, especially after-
[A pause]
Shadowmaru has not responded to either my own messages or Kagerou's in months. I fear that it is my own fault, that the method of my arrival has made him-
[Another pause. Deckerd releases a quiet vent, then another]
I suppose what I am truly asking is...
What do you think it would take for Shado to answer again? I don't- I do not expect him to answer on my own behalf anymore. Whatever I did, it seems it is too broken to mend. But Kagerou needs him. That matters. That is important.
I do not always understand why you or Shado or anyone do the things that you do, and I just thought that... maybe the version of him you knew... maybe there would be some insight you could give me. Anything. Because if I cannot fix or solve what I have done, I at least-
I at least want to leave things better for Kagerou than the ruin I created.
hah! that's a heck of a voicemail message you've got going, newbie. i like it!
just checking in on all the ai while i've got half a minute, make sure none of you are on fire or spaced or bored or blown up. bored being the most important one, obviously. but knowing you've got one more name on the list of people you can go to if something big goes down can't hurt
anyway if you've got the time, we can do something fun like race or play games or spar or whatever you want, i'm not picky except when it comes to winning, because i'm obviously the most perfect at everything, except when i'm not
[This is sent shortly after his conversation with Kagerou, through text rather than audio because Deckerd knows very well that Gunmax would hear the strain in his voice attempt to talk him out of it. And maybe he would even succeed]
I am going to find him. Give me the time I need for this, and... Don't worry, he'll be okay. I'll make sure of it.
Deckerd sat in a disused hallway in a deliberately random part of the ship, and he wrote out a message to Starscream and Ultra Magnus and Gold Arm and Orion Pax. After he was done, he very calmly minimized the messenger function and pulled up schematics for a computer that was reasonably similar to diagrams he had last seen back home on the engineers' computers. The diagram was of computer chips, and a passage to the left side of the screen explained how data was stored and went on to show how to recover or delete sequences.
Deckerd spent another few minutes reading this over with glazed over optics. It took multiple attempts for him to absorb the information. Both because it felt like it was delivered to him from far away and through muffling layers of cotton, but also because it had to fight past the echoes of yesterday's conversation with Six Oh Four.
He had gotten Yuuta killed.
Yuuta had been killed in large part because of his own recklessness.
This --he-- was the source of Gunmax's nightmares and hallucinations.
The words floated around and around and around his processor as they had every minute of every hour since they had been said to him, but he knew what to do now. He understood. He understood that he could not cope with knowing these things. He understood that as an AI, his world and his mind were defined by data.
The answer then, was simple.
Deckerd had returned to the brigade labs on his way out of security this evening, and took tools that the video assured him he would need. He then walked and he walked, and he sat.
He wrote the messages that he had initially tried and failed to use as a way to distract himself but which he thought still deserved to be said, and then he removed his helmet. The delicate hardware of his processor now partially exposed, Deckerd consulted the diagram again. It told him what to do.
It was easy.
Somewhere far away and growing farther was a voice attempting to catch his attention. Maybe it was his own, or Gunmax's, or Starscream's, or Gold Arm's, or Soundwave's.
He ignored it.
It was easy.
Everything already felt both too far away and too close, suffocating and alarming and far, far too much, and it was a relief to instead pay attention to one step after another. To connecting a cord from his datapad to a port just beneath his audial. It was uncomfortable. He ignored that, too.
He then used his datapad to begin to hunt down and delete files. At first, it was easy. As easy as venting or holding a hand or laughing at the cape Starscream had worn to a party.
He no longer was quite certain which one.
As he kept going and going, the hand he'd kept cupped protectively against his head started to shake, scratching down the length of exposed parts. His vision blurred, and thoughtless, wordless noises began to pour out of his mouth in a stream. He had manually deactivated his comm before he'd started, but it clicked on again now as he began to thrash.
The word he said between bursts of crackling static was not Yuuta's name.
Deckerd stared down at his hands where they rested in his lap. His thoughts were less clouded than they had been initially, but far from what it had been before. His hands still shook and he tired easily if he tried walking around, which was yet another source of endless frustration. Added to that he sometimes could've sworn that he was still losing time, but he was so confused to start with that it was often hard to tell.
And the memories of that conversation with Six... it hasn't worked. He'd nearly died for nothing. Terrified Gunmax and Six and Starscream for nothing.
He looked up when he heard Gunmax come in, then back down.He didn't know what to say. He never did. After a moment, he lifted up the datapad in his lap. ::You said I could use your spare datapad when you aren't here. I tried organizing your homescreen,:: he said tiredly, but his smile twitched up into an attempt at a smile, ::but I think that is beyond anyone's skills.::
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
Audio, UN: Patokiichi
Date: 2024-06-14 02:49 am (UTC)[A pause]
Shadowmaru has not responded to either my own messages or Kagerou's in months. I fear that it is my own fault, that the method of my arrival has made him-
[Another pause. Deckerd releases a quiet vent, then another]
I suppose what I am truly asking is...
What do you think it would take for Shado to answer again? I don't- I do not expect him to answer on my own behalf anymore. Whatever I did, it seems it is too broken to mend. But Kagerou needs him. That matters. That is important.
I do not always understand why you or Shado or anyone do the things that you do, and I just thought that... maybe the version of him you knew... maybe there would be some insight you could give me. Anything. Because if I cannot fix or solve what I have done, I at least-
I at least want to leave things better for Kagerou than the ruin I created.
Re: Audio, UN: Patokiichi
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From:Text, UN: P3RF3C710N
Date: 2024-06-26 02:31 am (UTC)just checking in on all the ai while i've got half a minute, make sure none of you are on fire or spaced or bored or blown up. bored being the most important one, obviously. but knowing you've got one more name on the list of people you can go to if something big goes down can't hurt
anyway if you've got the time, we can do something fun like race or play games or spar or whatever you want, i'm not picky except when it comes to winning, because i'm obviously the most perfect at everything, except when i'm not
Text, UN: Patokiichi
Date: 2024-07-18 04:11 am (UTC)I am going to find him. Give me the time I need for this, and... Don't worry, he'll be okay. I'll make sure of it.
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From:*Jaws theme song*
Date: 2024-08-26 02:18 am (UTC)Deckerd spent another few minutes reading this over with glazed over optics. It took multiple attempts for him to absorb the information. Both because it felt like it was delivered to him from far away and through muffling layers of cotton, but also because it had to fight past the echoes of yesterday's conversation with Six Oh Four.
He had gotten Yuuta killed.
Yuuta had been killed in large part because of his own recklessness.
This --he-- was the source of Gunmax's nightmares and hallucinations.
The words floated around and around and around his processor as they had every minute of every hour since they had been said to him, but he knew what to do now. He understood. He understood that he could not cope with knowing these things. He understood that as an AI, his world and his mind were defined by data.
The answer then, was simple.
Deckerd had returned to the brigade labs on his way out of security this evening, and took tools that the video assured him he would need. He then walked and he walked, and he sat.
He wrote the messages that he had initially tried and failed to use as a way to distract himself but which he thought still deserved to be said, and then he removed his helmet. The delicate hardware of his processor now partially exposed, Deckerd consulted the diagram again. It told him what to do.
It was easy.
Somewhere far away and growing farther was a voice attempting to catch his attention. Maybe it was his own, or Gunmax's, or Starscream's, or Gold Arm's, or Soundwave's.
He ignored it.
It was easy.
Everything already felt both too far away and too close, suffocating and alarming and far, far too much, and it was a relief to instead pay attention to one step after another. To connecting a cord from his datapad to a port just beneath his audial. It was uncomfortable. He ignored that, too.
He then used his datapad to begin to hunt down and delete files. At first, it was easy. As easy as venting or holding a hand or laughing at the cape Starscream had worn to a party.
He no longer was quite certain which one.
As he kept going and going, the hand he'd kept cupped protectively against his head started to shake, scratching down the length of exposed parts. His vision blurred, and thoughtless, wordless noises began to pour out of his mouth in a stream. He had manually deactivated his comm before he'd started, but it clicked on again now as he began to thrash.
The word he said between bursts of crackling static was not Yuuta's name.
Prepare Your Kneecaps for Removal
From:✨😌✨
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From:Action -> Gunmax's room
Date: 2024-10-14 04:55 pm (UTC)And the memories of that conversation with Six... it hasn't worked. He'd nearly died for nothing. Terrified Gunmax and Six and Starscream for nothing.
He looked up when he heard Gunmax come in, then back down.He didn't know what to say. He never did. After a moment, he lifted up the datapad in his lap. ::You said I could use your spare datapad when you aren't here. I tried organizing your homescreen,:: he said tiredly, but his smile twitched up into an attempt at a smile, ::but I think that is beyond anyone's skills.::